Did I stutter??

What's the use of my saying the same things over and over if your never going to open your ears & listen, open your mind & try to understand, and open your heart & feel the love??

So if that's how it is going to be, it's over.
O-V-E-R.
(Or in Holland, as we like to call it, "CouchSurfing here I come!")

Letting Go... (Additions)

Is it selfish to "let go" to focus on me...?

Am I just clinging to the past out of comfort?

Does "letting go" mean giving up? Or is it just moving on?

And will I ultimately regret breaking the ties that have meant so terribly much to me? Or will the things I gain ultimately make up for my loss?

Letting Go...

Is it absolutely necessary for me to let go of "the old" in order to get the full effect of my experiences here: to take every oppurtunity that is presented to me and grow and learn from them? Is "letting go" the only way to truely go out on a limb of hope (with nothing--or no one--holding me back) and take the leap of faith into What Might Be...? Will clinging to certain aspects of home only hold me back? Or is it still possible to take them along for this journey and still take full advantage of everything Holland has to offer??

?????????????????????????????????????????????????

I am a bit confused right now...


What should I do?!?!

Blessed

So last night I thought to myself, "Catherine, do you realize how many people you have praying for you each night??" And it dawned on me: I am one lucky girl.

Thanks guys :)

Disco, much? (An Addition)

This morning driving home from school, I heard another crazy "jam".

It was Willie Nelson's "Always on My Mind" remade into a techno song. No joke... Haha! Who would have ever thought!

...Just thought you ought to know.

As Tears Well Up in the Parking Garage of the Grocery Store...

Today was a looooong day. Just trust me. At the root of it all, there is just not enough time in the day. Scratch that. There is time in the day, but barely; from 6 am to 8 pm, everything is rushed. Or at least today it was...

Mistake number one: I skipped breakfast. In opting for 5 extra minutes of sleep this morning, I gave up my cereal time in order to get the kids fed, lunches packed, and everyone out the door. What was I thinking? I just figured I'd come in and grab a light lunch a little while after I returned from dropping the kids off in Groningen. Wrong...

When I arrived home, Amanda was still sick. She has been since Monday night, and she wasn't feeling any better today. So instead of taking her to the family doctor that would take at least 4 hours--or at least that is what Esther was told on the phone--we felt it would be better to just go straight to the Emergency Room. So at 10 after 10, Amanda and I left for the hospital. We were immediately directed to a room in the ER as soon as we got there, and I thought "Hey, this might not be too bad". Wrong... First a nurse came in; Amanda explained all her symptoms, the nurse took her temperature, blood pressure, etc., and then left the room. A bit later, a doctor came in. Oh wait, no. It was a doctor-in-training. Amanda explained her symptoms a second time and the Dr-in-training left. A few minutes later, the Dr-in-training came back in with a series of more questions. Seeming satisfied with the answers, she left again. A while later, the real doctor came in with the Dr-in-training. Amanda explained everything again. They left... And then came back for more trivial questions, offering no significant information with each visit. This charade went on for at least two hours until finally they had this to offer. "You should have first gone to the general practioner. Where this visit would be routine in America, here [in Holland], it is customary to see a family doctor first. So we will refer you to him." Are you freakin' kidding me?! So after two hours with nothing to show (but a prescription for rehydration salts), I loaded up a very sick Amanda and headed to the family doctor.

Did I mention I am starving by now?

So (after having to parallel park--something I am apparetly going to get very good at), we arrived at the family doctor. We walked in, announced ourselves to the receptionist behind the glass window (that had to be opened with a key--wierd), and were recieved with blank a stare. Apparently even after both Esther and the hopsital had called ahead, they had no idea to expect us. WTF? After more explaining, we were hit with the paperwork. Of course! To make a long(er) story short(er), we were finally back home at 10 after 2. Luckily for me, though, I did not have to leave for Groningen and pick up the kids from school at 3 because they had play-dates with friends.

And just wait for it. The best part has yet to come...

So after a bit of down-time and a good refreshing shower, it was time to venture to the super market (alone) for my first time. As a big part of the story to come, you must know that I had to park on the second level of a parking garage above the store. So after getting there, parking, and making it in, I took a cart. The carts in the grocery stores here are locked together, and in order to get one, you have to have what I refer to as a "cart coin". Thanks to Amanda, I already had one of these that I put on my keycahin next to my value card. To unlock the cart, you have to insert the coin into a little slip on the handle which unlocks the chain and frees the cart. After 3 minutes, I finally realized this. So I now have cart! But what I did not realize was that the cart coin stayed in the cart until you locked it back. So also dangling from the cart are my keys and value card which are attached the coin. Good one. Onto the shopping... Let me just say that people here are serious shoppers. They don't have time to wait on you to glance at your grocery list. They know what they need and they are out to get it as quick as they can. So the fast-paced environment of the store itself was making me anxious. But I managed to find everything I needed despite the fact everything is written in Dutch. Now to check out... I unloaded my items (including the 20 cartons of boxed milk) and luckily had the most helpful cashier. In pointing out several of my mistakes, she also helped me locate the bags so I could bag my own groceries. (Because here, you bag your own things.) In looking around, I noticed everyone but myself was super fast at this. So after what seemed like and eternity (especially to those in line behind me), I finally paid and was on my merry way...

Unbeknowst to me, doom lied ahead.

I made it back to the car and, after wrangling the car key from the cart coin still in the cart, I loaded the groceries and returned the cart. Finally I had the rest of my keys back! So in starting the car and glancing at the time, I realized I needed to leave ASAP to go pick up the kids. I was so rushed that I would just have to take the groceries with me to Groningen and put them away when we returned. So I had my parking ticket ready and I drove down the level straight to the exit. I took my card and entered it into the machine outside my window in hopes to pay for my parking and leave. I inserted my ticket and, what I can only assume was "read error" in Dutch flashed on the screen. I took it out and inserted it the other way. Error. Took it out, and tried another way. Error. And another way. Error. So entering panic mode, I called Amanda. After a few minutes of my frantic babel, she realized what I had done wrong. I was supposed to pay for my parking at a machine located on the level I was parked on. That machine would have given me the ticket to leave. Oops. What now? Was I suppose to reverse it all the way back up the ramp to level 2?! I don't think so! So with no cars around--thank God!--I reversed into a turn. Then I pulled up. And I turned in reverse some more. Pulled up again. And then reversed again. And so on and so forth until I had finally turned the MPV into the right lane and headed back up to the second level. In a race against time at this point, I ran to the machine, inserted my ticket, and started to pay my total. Oh wait. It costs .50 euros and I only have .35 and a 20 euro bill. Shit. At this point, I started asking anyone and eveyone if they spoke English. Luckily there was a man within the first couple people I asked who did, and he was kind enough to spare the .15 cents. (Remind me to thank God for him tonight.)

Finally! I was able to make it out of the garage alive! Granted I was majorly stresssed, but that is nothing compared to being trapped in a parking garage with places to be!

I'll spare you the rest of my day, but as you can tell, it was quite eventful. On the bright side, tomorrow is Friday. And that means I will have survived my first week au pairing--if I survive tomorrow...

Disco, much?

I was inspired by the drive back from school to write this post... Since I turned off the GPS for the first time--can I get a whoot whoooot!!--and navigated home all on my own, I actually turned up the radio and jammed out, tuned into some Dutch radio. And let me tell you, they music they play is eclectic, to say the least...

Flipping through the stations, I came across hits such as these:

--Anything catchy, but never in it's life-span too poular with a disco feel. No matter what day it has been, I have always caught a good jive'n'boogie song!

--The whitest rap I have ever heard in my life. Think New Kids on the Block meets Marky Mark and then lays down some lyrics over Madonna's "Holiday". It was literally to tune of "Holiday", but never made it to the top of the charts (if I had to guess). I am not even from the streets of Compton, but I can tell you that the lyrics were whack... Pretty much what I gathered from the song was "My name is Mike and I rock the Mic..." and "My name is Ted, that's what I said"*. Oh, and to top off the clever lyrics was the keyboard on the "Doo Doo" setting that followed. (You know what I am talking about if you've ever owned or even played a keyboard? That one setting you can choice that will play a different "Doo Doo" note for every key there is...)
*Not the actual lyric, but VERY, VERY close.

--"Walking in Memphis". But not the version we all now and love. Instead, I am 98% certain it was remade by Cher.

--And heard multiple times since I have been here, "Rosanna, (Rosanna)" by the classic band Toto. "Meet you all the way.... Rosanna! Rosanna!" That's one that gets stuck in your head!!

--On a sadder note, "She's Like the Wind" came on. You know, the one from Dirty Dancing sang by Patrick Swayze. RIP* Patrick.
*Added to annoy Faith.

So as you can tell, I am getting my feel for jams of the past. (Or at least that is what we will pretend they are.) But in defense of the Dutch radio system, I have also heard some (actually) good songs. Can we say Elton John?! "Don't let the sun go down on me...." And also, there is one certain song that I have heard at least three times but I cannot figure out who it is or what it is called. But I love it! It is sort of like Adele meets Joss Stone, and I think it is new... Hopefully I can figure soon and add it to my iTunes. Until, I will just have "Rosanna" stuck in my head!

Holy Bikers!

I have been meaning to post this blog for a couple of nights now, but by the time my day ends, I am so tired! Some of it is just the busyness of coralling the kids, but alot of it is also the fact that I am not getting any sleep at all at night. I either wake up every hour or just wake up and cannot go back to sleep for 3 hours... And as you can guess, that makes for a fun next day... But finally, thanks to a strong cup of coffee, I have finally mustered the energy for yet another enthralling blog post!

So on Monday, Esther (the mother) was off from work, so she tended to the kids. That left the day for me to catch up on some much needed sleep and also be toured around the Assen city center by Amanda (the other au pair who is still here). Everything was going fine. Then on Tuesday morning, Amanda woke up with a high fever and it was our day to care for the kids. Oh no. I was thrown into the deep end. With Amanda being too ill, it was up to me, and only me, to get the kids to school (and back). Did I mention they go to an international school in Groningen, a town in which I had never been to, let alone laid eyes on!! So at a quarter til 8, we embarked on my first (driving) journey through the Netherlands...

Meet my new best friend....

It is the only reason that I even came remotely close to surviving my first day.

So, directions to school: check! But do I know any Dutch traffic laws?? Not really. Oh well. I will just make it up as I go. But who would I have guessed I would have to account for a million of these?

There are more bikes on the roads here than there are cars! Take my word for it, driving here is not a leaisurely activity. It is quite a task. Making sure not to hit the hundreds, thousands, millions of bikers is only the half of it! Figuring out whether or not you have the right-of-way is also a bit more difficult (than usual) to process. Did you know that on many roads (in towns) in the Netherlands, the people coming from your right have the right-of-way; so even if they are turning onto your road, you must stop for them...?? Yes, that is for real. So trying to decide whether or not it was my turn to go while at the same time avoiding all the bikers--not to mention the dizziness from all the round-abouts*--made my first drive in Holland a bit tense...

*A bit emphasized.

But I survived! And even made it there and back in one piece, as I am proudly displaying here:

So next time you decide you want to take a joy ride through the province of Drenthe, come to me first and I could probably give you a pointer or two!

Oh, and just in case you are wondering, this is my set of wheels!

(Oh, and I make that MPV look good--real good!)

4,532 (Flight) Miles Later

I am here.... Safe! And in one piece!
(So rest easy, ye worried souls!)
After what seemed to be a series of the most uncomfortable, turbulent plane rides ever, I am now back on land and in Assen! And so far, so good (as it can be for just meeting the complete strangers family I will live with for the next year!) Actually, things are going quite well. I am already starting to feel comfortable with the kids and parents--Much thanks to Amanda, the au pair who will be leaving in a couple weeks. Trust me, it would be so much more awkward without her! So thank you, thank you, thank you Amanda! But I still need to get my bearings a bit more before I can blog my heart out about it all. So in closing, I will leave you with a few random observations of my journey thus far:

-Old people in Assen--I'm talking 70 & 80 year olds--really love to ride bikes. I have seen more elderly individuals on bikes here than I ever have in my whole life. (Come to think of it, the only other time I have seen an old person on a bike is in those Regions commercials... You know what I am talking about??) Oh, and yes, I have also spotted a 65+ couple together on a tandem bike. If that is not love, then I don't know what is!

-The geography of the Netherlands reminds me alot of West Tennessee...

-There are fresh flowers everywhere! Even at gas stations. I love it!

-I can already tell you I am going to have my work cut out for me because these kids know at least 2 different languages that I don't... and they know it.

Okay, so I know those are random useless comments, but what do you expect after a total of 4 (plane-induced) turbulent hours of sleep in the last 48 hours?!

So long, Farewell

It is approximately 5 and half hours until I leave for Nashville, 13 until I board my first plane, and 22 until I touch down in Amsterdam. Where did time go?

While I am super excited to begin this new chapter in my life,--sorry for being cliche--I am at the same time sad to see the previous one end. Saying goodbye to my normal life was tougher than I expected. There is just something about "coming to an end" that makes you re-evalute the things people you love in life; you quit taking them for granted and realize how much they mean to you. From co-workers, to college friends, to boyfriend, there are just so many people that I am going to miss not being able to see on a daily, weekly, or bi-weekly basis. (And just in case you're wondering, yes, I have cried a river...) To those of you I didn't get to see one last time, "Goodbye, good luck, and see you in a year". And (again) to those of you I did see before I left, I'm still going to miss you!!

Did I mention I have yet to say goodbye to the family? They are all--and I mean all--dropping me off in Nashville. (Thanks, Tom Harrison, for inviting everyone in the world!*) Not seeing my family on a daily basis won't be such a big adjustment seeing as how I already lived 6 hours away, but not being able to drive back and see the kids--neices and nephews--growing up will be a bit sad. By the time I get back, Owen will have turned 1... And just think of how much he will have learned by then!
*Sense the sarcasm

As sad as it may be to say goodbye to my friends here, I know the experience that lies ahead of me will be well worth it.

So goodbye Knoxville. Goodbye West Tennessee. Goodbye TSEP. Goodbye Serlio Way. Goodbye Hooters Fried Pickles--random, I know, but I love those things! Goodbye friends. Goodbye family....

...And Hello Assen!

You know what...

...If I'm bringing Otis back, Etta is coming too.

My Dearest Darling

Artist: Etta James

All I need

Is someone like you...

My dearest darling

Please, love me too

Within my heart

I pray your answer's yes

I'll make your life

Full of happiness

I'll be there by your side

Oh, I pledge my love to you

With God as our guide

My dearest darling

I offer you my heart

Oh, yeah whenever you need me

I'll... I'll be there by your side

Oh, I pledge my love to you

With God as our guide

Oh nothing, nothing, nothing in this world

Can keep us apart

My dearest darling

I'm offering you my heart

Uhh... My dearest darling

And I'm Free... Free Fallin'

So as not to keep you avid readers in suspense (because I know you have just been dying with antici--pation), Nancy and I actually did it. We jumped out of a plane--some of us with old men on our backs--and can now live to tell about it.

This past Saturday, September 5th, we ventured all the way to Tennessee Skydiving LLC in Tullahoma, TN to mark this daring feat off of our bucket list. Upon arriving at the registration trailer--yes, literal trailer--for our 2:00pm appointment, we were told that we were not on the list. ...Not on the list. You should have seen my face. (And no, it was not a smiling one.) So after sorting through the initial confusion, we realized that a certain lackadaisical "woman who keeps the mandate" (as I believe her official title was) had conviently scheduled us to jump from their West Tennessee center based on her assumption from my phone number's area code. And of course, we all know what assuming does... And this case was no different for her. But in trying to cover her ass mistake, she swore that we had received a confirmation call 48 hours earlier because they had gotten everyone's confirmation number. Lie. And being the kind soul she was, she offered to try her hardest to fit us into a sunset jump if they had the time. How nice...

But to make a long(er) story short, we were able to jump at sunset. After having the time of our lives sleeping in a random parking lot in Tullahoma, Tennessee for two hours, we finally got the call that they could fit us in. After arriving back at Tennessee Skydiving LLC for the second time that day, Nancy insulted kindly showed the owner the errors of his way and I just so happened to have a hormonal, emotional breakdown in the middle of the forementioned trailer. But in doing so, we were finally able to get confirmation from the West Tennessee center that there was indeed never a confirmation number for our party, and in turn, we were not to blame. Told you so. So after a very, very minor dent small discount, we were able to gear up and jump.

And those of you who know Nancy can probably imagine how wound up she was. Not that she was just completely freaking out, but there were just so many questions. Also not suprisingly, her and her instructor we BFFs from the very beginning. My instrustor and I, on the other hand, had a bit of a different relationship. Let's just say that he is the guy you see in the picture above and he introduced himself be saying "My name is Harold, but they call me Daddy Harold"... Yeah, I'll let you draw your own conclusions about that one... But to tell the complete truth, he was actaully a really good instructor.

Anywho, I am sure you are ready to hear about the actuall sky diving itself. It was... okay. I say that becuase it is not exactly what I expected. It wasn't as big of a rush as I thought it would be. And I think alot of that has to do with the fact that I just kept dwelling on how much the freakin' harness was cutting into my leg. Honestly, the jump wasn't as bad as people make it out to be at all. And I wish I would have known that before jumping. Because I could have definitely relaxed more and, more importantly, remembered to breath when we first fell out of the plane!! But yes, I would defenitely do it again, but in the words of Nancy--and I am going to hate myself for using this word-- but "someplace more epic".

And best of all, we're still alive!!! (Lucky for you, avid readers!)

Bringing Back Otis...

I didn't realize it until now, but I've been missing something in life. ...Something that once soothed my weary soul. ...Something that helped me believe that pure love can actually exist. ...Something that gave me hope there are at least a few good men out there... But in becoming a maid, housewife, "routine" girlfriend, I inadvertently let it fade to backdrop of my days and eventually forgot about it all together. And now that I am aware of the void it's left, I just can't live without it...

So in getting my life back on the right track, I am bringing back Otis.
(Redding, that is.)

And in honor of bringing back Otis, I am leaving you all with this. After all, Otis is the only man who can take all my emotions and so tenderly put them into words such as these:

I've Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now)

Songwriters: Jerry Butler & Otis Redding

I've been loving you too long

To stop now

You are tired and you want to be free

My love is growing stronger

As you become a habit to me

Ooh, I've been loving you too long

I don't wanna stop now, oh

With you my life has been so wonderful

I can't stop now

You are tired and your love is growing cold

My love is growing stronger

As our affair, affair grows old

I've been loving you oh too long

Don't want to stop now, oh, oh oh

I've been loving you a little too long

I don't wanna stop now, oh, oh

Don't make me stop now, oh baby

I am down on my knees

Please, don't make me stop now

I love you, I love you

I love you with all my heart

And I can't stop now

Don't make me stop now

Please, please don't make me stop now

Good God Almighty, I love you

I love you, I love you, I love you

I love you, I love you

I love you in so many different ways...

I love you in so many different ways...