Graveyard of Sarah's Exes

(Loosely inspired by the Journal of a Fatty Fat Fat)

Po Chin
"Big P_ _ _ _ "
Billy
Jason


....feel free to comment and add to the list (Sarah!).


**This blog is a joke, so unless your one of a handful of people, odds are you won't understand it.**

Home Sweet Home

Today I saw a man with a mullet driving a John Deere lawn mower...

...And for a moment, I felt like I was back home.

Mmmmm Kkkkkkk....

Here's the deal:  I am going to spare you the story--for the sake of repeating the thought--but I'm going to give you the moral (because it may save you a whole lotta awkward one day).

The Moral of the Story:  Do not ever ask anyone why/what for they use baby oil.


If you're wise, you'll take that to heart.

Merger of My Dreams

If ABC and TLC ever merged, do you think they would make Dancing with the Duggars??

Gimme A Break!

I'd just like to confirm that the Dutch Kit Kat McFlurry does have caramel in it.  It was not a mistake that my previous one had yummy caramel goodness mixed in; for today, I ordered a another--only to test for caramel, of course--and it was the same.

I repeat, the Dutch Kit Kat McFlurry is divine in all it's caramelly, chocolatey, crispy, ice cream goodness.

If I were you, I'd book your trans-Atlantic airfare today just so you can come see for yourself--and visit me while your at it.

My 1st Haircut in Holland

I broke down and got my first haircut.  It had been a long time coming and I just couldn't put it off anymore.  The last straw being the fact that I resembled a shaggy Hank Williams Jr. when I put on my aviators.  So I had to do something...

Ian and Sara both had an appointment for a hair trim.  So while I was there, I checked the place out and made my own appointment.

So at 9 o'clock the next morning morning, I showed up as the first customer of the way.  In all retrospect, I think my first sign of the cut-to-come should have been the weird looks she kept giving my hair...  At one point, she even said, "How did they cut your hair before?!"   To that, I replied that it had been almost half a year since I had my last style, but I went ahead and told her all about what it had looked like and how they had cut it.  Even with my explanation, it didn't click to her.  And that made me a bit sad, cause I loved my old haircut... 

But none the less, I let her keep doing her thing.  After all, how bad could it possible get since I just asked for a no-hassle trim?!  ....Mmm hmmm... 

Long story short, everything went pretty well up until the end.  Another sign I should have seen was the fact that just parted my hair obviously wrong...  So when she went to cut my bangs, it was parted wrong.  And try as she may, she just couldn't get them to stay combed over and lay as she had cut them.  Fortunately, they still looked normal laying to the other side.  And then as I thought she was finished, she kept going...  This is where I should have stopped her...  Not only did she cut my bangs as I had asked, but she also took her own (Dutch) initiative to make some angles around my face fading into the length of my hair...

...And now, I look like a mom.  As if my job didn't make me look maternal enough, now my hair does.

Oh, and  I still look like Hank Williams Jr. with my sunglasses.  So problem not solved.  I guess this will just have to be a lesson learned.  Chances are, if you see mostly butch haircuts and men walking out of a stylist, that is her specialty.  So might now wanna go to her if you expect the au natural elegant look.  Next time, I'll know.  (But I really hope there doesn't have to be a next time while I am in Holland...   I'm just not a fan of their style--at all.)

Bam-A-Lam!

Dear readers,

I would like to introduce you to my newest set of wheels...

Readers, this is Betty--Black Betty.
Betty, these are my readers.

Been A While...

Shame
By The Avett Brothers

Okay so I was wrong about
My reasons for us fallin’ out
Of love I want to fall back in

My life is different now I swear
I know now what it means to care
About somebody other than myself

I know the things I said to you
They were untender and untrue
I’d like to see those things undo

So if you could find it in your heart
To give a man a second start
I promise things won’t end the same

Shame, boatloads of shame
Day after day, more of the same
Blame, please lift it off
Please take it off, please make it stop

Okay so I have read the mail
The stories people often tell
About us that we never knew

But their existence will float away
And just like every word they say
And we will hold hands as they fade

Shame, boatloads of shame
Day after day, more of the same
Blame, please lift it off
Please take it off, please make it stop

I felt so sure of everything
My love to you so well received
And I just strutted around your town
Knowing I didn’t let you down
The truth be known, the truth be told
My heart was always fairly cold
Posing to be as warm as yours
My way of getting in your world
But now I’m out and I’ve had time
To look around and think
And sink into another world
That’s filled with guilt and overwhelming

Shame, boatloads of shame
Day after day, more of the same
Blame, please lift it off
Please take it off, please make it stop

And everyone they have a heart
And when they break and fall apart
And need somebody’s helping hand

I used to say just let ’em fall
It wouldn’t bother me at all
I couldn’t help them now I can

A Few One-Liners

1) I now "own" a bike--or at least have one at my beckon call.

2) No, I am not eating the goodies I bought for the kids pinata...

3) Did I mention I am throwing the best party ever in a couple days?

4) I am the MecGyver--or MacGruber*--of crafts. Construction paper is my specialty.
*SNL reference